Food

Kitty Litter Cake

 

1 spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 white cake mix
2 large package vanilla instant pudding mix, prepared
1 large package vanilla sandwich cookies
green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls

1 new kitty litter pan
1 new plastic kitty litter pan liner
1 new pooper scooper

  1. Prepare cake mixes and bake according to directions (any size pans).
  2. Prepare pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble.
  3. Crumble white sandwich cookies in small batches in food processor, scraping often. Set aside all but about 1/4 cup. To the 1/4-cup cookie crumbs, add a few drops green food coloring and mix until completely colored.
  4. When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining white cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding. Important: mix in just enough of the pudding to moisten it. You don’t want it too soggy. Combine gently.
  5. Line a new, clean kitty litter box. Put the cake/pudding/cookie mixture into the litter box.
  6. Put three unwrapped Tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable. Shape ends so they are no longer blunt, curving slightly. Repeat with 3 more Tootsie rolls bury them in the mixture. Sprinkle the other half of cookie crumbs over top. Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly on top of everything — this is supposed to look like the chlorophyll in kitty litter.
  7. Heat 3 Tootsie Rolls in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake; sprinkle with cookie crumbs. Spread remaining Tootsie Rolls over the top; take one and heat until pliable, hang it over the side of the kitty litter box, sprinkling it lightly with cookie crumbs. Place the box on a newspaper and sprinkle a few of the cookie crumbs around for a truly disgusting effect!

 

 

 

Crudit’es With Vomit Vinaigrette

Cherry tomatoes
Mushroom caps
Bunch of carrots peeled
2 cups cottage cheese
1 envelope dry onion soup mix
Zucchini
¼ cup milk
Celery stalks
Yellow food coloring
Radishes
You’ll Need
Paper towels
Vegetable peeler
Sharp knife
Mixing spoon
Small bowl
Serving platter

  1. Before you begin your vomit sauce, you have to prepare your raw vegetables, or “crudit’es”. (Use whatever quantity and selection of raw vegetables you think your guests would enjoy. Allow approximately 1 heaping handful per person).
  2. First rinse all the vegetables in warm water except the mushroom caps (wipe those gently with a damp paper towel). Then, carefully slice the carrots, zucchini, and celery into thin sticks. The cherry tomatoes can be served whole, but you may want to remove any green stems. The radishes and mushrooms can be halved or served whole. If you are not serving this dish right away, put the vegetables in a plastic bag and store them in the refrigerator to keep them fresh and crispy.
  3. In a small bowl, mix the cottage cheese, the onion soup mix, and the milk. Stir in some food coloring until you get the desired yellowish color. Do not over mix. Lumpy is more realistic!
  4. Now arrange your vegetables on a platter surrounding the Vomit Vinaigrette.

Serves 6 to 8 strong-stomached guests.
Serving Idea: Vomit Vinaigrette tastes great in sandwiches or Try splattering them into pita pockets.

Strained Eye Balls

6 eggs
1 (60oz) tub whipped cream cheese
1 (70oz) jar green olive with pimento
Red food dye

What You’ll Need
Medium-sized saucepan
1 sharp knife
1 teaspoon
Toothpicks

  1. Place the eggs in a saucepan and cover them with cold water. Cook over high heat until the water begins to boil. Then turn the heat to low and simmer (low boil) for 10 minutes.
  2. Place the cooked eggs in cold water. When they’re cool enough to touch, crack the eggshells all over by rolling them on a hard surface. Peel away the shells carefully and cut the eggs in half widthwise.
  3. Remove the yolks from the eggs and fill the empty yolk holes with cream cheese. (You won’t need the yolks for this recipe).
  4. Press an olive into each cream cheese eyeball, pimento facing up, for an eerie green iris and startling red pupil!
  5. For a final touch, dip the tip of a toothpick in red food coloring and draw broken blood vessels in the cream cheese. Your guests’ eyes will pop when they spot these creepy peepers!

Serves 6 eyeball eaters.

 

Dead Man’s Meat Loaf

1½ lbs ground beef
¼ tsp. Pepper
1 egg beaten
¼ cup minced onion
1 cup breadcrumbs
1 (26oz) jar spaghetti sauce
1 tbsp ketchup
Olives
Corn
Pimentos
1 tsp salt for garnish
¼ tsp garlic powder

What You’ll Need
Large mixing bowl
Baking pan

  1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
  2. Using clean hands, mix together all the ingredients (except for spaghetti sauce and garnishes) in a large bowl.
  3. To form the corpse: In an un-greased baking pan, sculpt the meat mixture into a body. (Generally, bodies have a single head, torso, 2 legs, and 2 arms, but yours can have as many or few as you like).
  4. Using olives for eyes, corn kernels for teeth, and pimentos for a tongue, decorate your loaf. (Feel free to try other vegetables, too. For example, carrot coins and peas work nicely as eyes and buttons).
  5. Pour spaghetti sauce around the corpse and bake for approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes. (Your oven may cook at a different rate so make sure the meat is fully cooked before removing the loaf from the oven).

Serves 6 creepy carnivores.
Serving Idea: Right before serving, stick a dagger or butter knife into the “heart” of the corpse as a garnish.

 

Frank-In-Steins

1 (16oz) package hot dogs
1 (16oz) Can sauerkraut
Mustard
Ketchup

What You’ll Need

Beer steins or coffee mugs
Sharp knife
Long-handled fork

  1. Prepare the hot dogs according to directions on the package. With a long-handled fork, divide the sauerkraut equally among the steins, filling each no more than half full.
  2. Carefully cut the cooked hot dogs into small pieces and drop into steins. Allow guests to dribble mustard (yellow pus) or ketchup (thickened blood) over their Frank-in-Steins.
  3. Now arrange your vegetables on a platter surrounding the Vomit Vinaigrette.

Serves 8 monsters.

 

Sugar Cookies

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
½ cup butter
½ cup sugar
1 egg yolk slightly beaten
3-teaspoon milk
½ teaspoon vanilla or almond or zest of or orange

Stir flour, baking powder and salt together. Cream butter, add sugar gradually, beating between additions. Add egg yolk, mix well. Add dry ingredients alternately with milk, add vanilla. Chill dough thoroughly. Roll ¼ inch thick on lightly floured board, cut out with fancy cutters. Bake on un-greased cookie sheet in a moderate oven (375°) 7-8 minutes. Makes 3 dozen medium sized cookies.

 

 

Spaghetti and Eyeballs

1 ½ lbs ground beef
1 (70oz) jar pimento stuffed olives
1 cup seasoned bread crumbs
1 (14oz) jar spaghetti sauce
1 tbsp ketchup
3 quarts water
1 egg
1 tsp salt
¼ tsp pepper
1 (80oz) package spaghetti
½ tsp oregano
2 tbsp butter

 

What You’ll Need

Large Mixing bowl
Mixing spoon
Baking dish
Large pot
Colander
Serving bowl
Serving spoon

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  2. Mix the ground beef, breadcrumbs, ketchup, egg, pepper, and oregano in a large bowl. The form the meat mixture into about 18 to 24 eyeball-sized balls.
  3. Press an olive into each eyeball, pimento side out. Place the eyeballs in a baking dish, cover them with the spaghetti sauce, and bake for 45 minutes.
  4. About 15 minutes before the eyeballs are done, fill a large pot with 3 quarts of water. Add salt. Set on medium heat and follow package directions to cook the spaghetti.
  5. After the spaghetti has cooked, carefully drain it in a colander over the sink. Transfer it to a serving bowl and toss with butter (so spaghetti doesn’t stick together).
  6. When your eyeballs are done, carefully remove them from the oven and spoon onto the spaghetti, irises up. Spoon sauce from the pan around them.

Serves 6 evil optometrists.

 

Mucous Membrane Milkshake

2 cups buttermilk
4 tbsp brown sugar
2 scoops vanilla ice cream
2 cups milk
½ cup pineapple juice

What You’ll Need

Blender
Tall glasses
Small pan
Wooden Spoon

  1. Measure all the ingredients except the milk into a blender. Then, blend on medium speed until smooth and creamy. (Add more ice cream if you like your mucous extra thick).
  2. Fill the tall glasses with the mixture and refrigerate.
  3. Heat the milk in a small pan over medium heat until it begins to boil. Remove from the heat and let it cool until a film develops on its surface. Using a wooden spoon, carefully scoop off the film and place some on top of each milkshake.
  4. If you need more mucous, just reheat the remaining milk and repeat this step. Be careful not to burn the milk or your Mucous Membrane Milkshake will taste disgusting instead of delicious!

Serves 4 phlegm fanciers.
Serving Idea: Blend chunks of pineapple into your milkshake (for phlegm balls) or red cherries (for blood clots)!

 

Gangrenous Scrambled Legs

1 dozen small sausage links
Green food dye
8 eggs
1-2 tbsp butter or margarine
1 tsp salt
¼ cup chopped onions
¼ tsp pepper

What You’ll Need

Sharp knife
Aluminum foil
Medium sized mixing bowl
Wire whisk or eggbeater
Large frying pan
Long handled fork or spatula
Serving platter

  1. Prepare the sausage links according to the directions on the package. After they have cooled slightly, carefully slice them in half lengthwise. Wrap them in aluminum foil and set aside.
  2. In a medium-sized mixing bowl, combine the eggs, milk, salt and pepper. Beat with a whisk until frothy. Slowly add food coloring, 1 drop at a time, until you reach your desired shade of gangrene green.
  3. Heat a tablespoon of butter or margarine in a large frying pan over medium heat until the butter begins to sizzle.
  4. Add the chopped onions (toenails) and saute for a few minutes. Then add the egg mixture to the pan.
  5. Stir the egg mixture with a long-handled fork or spatula until the eggs are firm and not too runny. When the eggs are almost done, add the sausage links (little legs) and cook just until the sausage is heated.
  6. Transfer the Gangrenous Scrambled Legs to individual plates or a serving platter.

Serves 4 barfing breakfasters.
Serving Idea: You can sprinkle shredded mozzarella cheese on top of hot, just-cooked eggs and – voila – in just a minute your Gangrenous Scrambled Legs are nice and pus covered.